Week 4: Happy to be happy
I was chatting with a friend today, and I told her, “I am really happy here, and that makes me happy.”
As soon as I said it, I realized what a strange statement that was. But I stand by it.
I am so, so happy with my life in Los Angeles. I love my job. I love my apartment. I love my roommates. I love my friends here. I love my family here. I love my lifestyle. And my god, do I love the weather. For all those things, I am so, so glad.
Because you see, I did a kind of crazy thing. I left a great job and a place where I had made a lot of friends, with family nearby. I paid an ungodly sum to move all my worldly possessions and then drove myself across the country. I moved to a city I hadn’t spent significant time in since before I had a driver’s license.
I took a lot of risks — all on gut instinct and somewhat blind faith that this was what I wanted to do and where I wanted to be.
My happiness about being happy, it’s a feeling similar to relief but not quite the same. Relief implies I feared a negative outcome; truly, I never did. I knew, as I have known for as long as I can remember, that I wanted to move here. I knew it was time for me to move on. I knew I needed a change of pace at work and a change of scenery outside it.
But that doesn’t mean it couldn’t have all gone wrong. That doesn’t mean it couldn’t have massively backfired. That doesn’t mean I couldn’t have disliked my job or had problems with my roommates. That also doesn’t mean I wasn’t overwhelmed at first, when I was buried in boxes and didn’t know how to get to the grocery store.
Yet here I am, eight months later, with a California driver’s license, roommates I adore, a job I enjoy and great familiarity with the area in which I live. When I get asked if I’m glad I moved, if it was worth it or if I am as happy as I thought I would be, the answers are yes, yes and happier.
My life before was good. My life now is so much better. I know I am so lucky it happened that way, and I consider myself lucky to recognize my good fortune and appreciate my happiness.
Not everyone is aware of the good things in his or her life. Not everyone sees the contrast with how it could be. But I know what I had to do to get here. I know what my circumstances were before. I know the gambles I took. I know everything that went into my life change. I know what could’ve gone wrong.
I can see now that I rolled the dice, and it all worked out. The gamble paid off. The risks were worth it.
I can see how much happier I am. And that makes me happy.
Currently watching: Gilmore Girls, season 6; new episodes of Suits, The Americans and Scandal
Currently reading: Best American Sports Writing 2012
Song of the week: Maroon 5’s “Sugar”
Plans for the week: Sam Smith concert Friday night, hike on Saturday, Super Bowl on Sunday